Darren's Breaking His Habit
by AmberPanda33
Summary: A song fan fic based on the Linkin Park song Breaking the Habit. Please read and review. I do not own darren shan.


Darren's breaking his habit

**Memories consume like opening the wounds I'm picking me apart again.**

**You all assume, I'm safe here in my room unless I try to start again…**

Darren Shan sat in his hammock, quietly thinking about the events that had taken place over the last few months. He still hated Mr. Crepsley for turning him into a vampire and secretly though of ways to kill him.

No matter how much Mr. Crepsley wanted Darren to change, he just wouldn't allow himself to. He wanted so badly to become a human again, to feel the sunlight without thinking that one day he would never feel its warmth again. He wanted everything to go back like it was; to go home and see his family who he missed with all his heart.

He was tired of this, the blood drinking, the running away from the sun; Darren wanted to die, and slowly, as if to teach that old goat of a vampire a lesson.

Though he hated the vampire, Darren realized that Mr. Crepsley put up with his stubbornness and tantrums. He may act like a child, but it didn't stop the thought of why this had happened in the first place

** I don't want to be the one the battles always choose Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused. I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream; I don't know why I instigate To say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way; I know it's not alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit, Tonight…**

Darren lay down in the hammock and curled into a ball. He was confused at the sudden though that the vampire might not be such a bad guy. It didn't stop the fact that he wanted to scream in pain and anger. He felt a longing pain as he remembered that if he had a day like his what his mother would do for him. She'd sit down next to him and ruffle his hair as she told him that everything would get better soon.

At these thought, Darren began to cry silently, feeling each tear slip from his face to his pillow. Darren was happy that Evra was in deep sleep in the hammock next to him and couldn't see or hear how pitiful he sounded.

Darren knew that Evra was worried about him. He hadn't drunk any blood for a while now and could feel his strength being sipped away like he was some kind of slushy. He smiled with the relief that at least some one would miss him if he was to die. Compared to Steve, Evra was the best friend he'd ever have and would surly miss him if the situation was the other way around.

** Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door; I try to catch my breath again.**

**I have much more than anytime before; I had no options left again…**

But Darren had made up his mind, he was going to go outside away from the cirque and let himself die; alone and away from everyone. He didn't want to cause anyone trouble, like he had Sam.

Regret sunk in as Darren shuffled silently out of the camp, his eyes got use to the very dim lighting from small fires though out the camp as he walked out of sight. He walked as far as he could before he collapsed from exhaustion.

Darren fell at the base of a cherry tree, the blossoms falling around him like snow. It was such a calm and pretty place that Darren though that he would die at the base of the tree and become part of it.

His eyes suddenly became heavy as he drew in deep breaths of air, each one becoming deeper than the last as he ran out of energy. Closing his eyes, Darren figured that he didn't have much time left and decided that dieing in his sleep was easy and painless; a simple death for a simple boy who made a mistake.

** I don't want to be the one the battles always choose, cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused. I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream; I don't know why I instigate to say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way; I know it's not alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit, Tonight…**

Some time later, Darren felt something shaking him hard, almost in urgency. A panic filled voice was calling out to him, but Darren couldn't see who it was.

"Darren, open your eyes! Oh by the gods I hope that I am not too late. Darren, please wake up!"

Darren opened his eyes slightly, seeming upset that his death process was being interrupted. Upon seeing Mr. Crepsley in front of him with a look of terror and sorrow on his face, Darren woke up more and sat up to lean against the cherry tree.

"What do you want?" he snapped, his breath slow.

Mr. Crepsley leaned back on the balls of his feet. The sorrow was still present on his face. "What does it look like? I am stopping you from making another mistake."

"What do you mean _another_ mistake? My whole _life_ is a mistake! **I** had to steal your spider!** I** convinced Mr. Tall to give a ticket to Sam! **I **couldn't protect my friend from the Wolfman! Then, **I** took what life he had left in him and **drank his blood so I could live!** And when I decide to die, you tell me that it's a _MISTAKE_?"

** I'll paint it on the walls, cause I'm the one at fault; I'll never fight again,**

**And this is how it ends…**

Mr. Crepsley sat in silence as Darren ranted about his life's choices. He kept his gaze on the dirt, as if he couldn't look the boy in the eyes. It wasn't until the boy had finished that he spoke.

"You are perfectly right to be upset. I have made a mistake. I should not have blooded you," He began to apologize.

Darren stopped his ranting and glared at Mr. Crepsley. He didn't want to believe that the vampire could be sorry about anything.

"Why can't you just let me die in peace, that's what you want isn't it?" He sneered as he tried to stand up but his legs gave out and he returned to a sitting position.

Mr. Crepsley looked at the child and tried not to let his anger get the best of him. "Do you really think," he said slowly, trying to control his temper, "that I want you to die? If I wanted you to die, do you not think that I would have killed you myself? There have been plenty of chances for me to do so. If I wanted you to die, then would I have kept trying to give you blood?"

Darren stared at him in disbelieve. "Even with the countless times I told you to, why didn't you give up on me?"

Mr. Crepsley grabbed the boy and pulled him into a tight hug. "I do not want to loose you." He said quietly, allowing sincerity and love into his voice.

Darren struggled against the hug, wanting to remain angry with his mentor, but with the way he was acting, Darren was beginning to believe every word he said.

"Is there a way for thing to go back the way that they were?" he asked even though he already knew the answer.

"If there was, then would you take it?" his mentor asked as he released his hold on Darren.

Darren though for a while, considering the options; then he remembered what his father had told him when things didn't go as planned.

_"Sometimes we must face our choices, son," he had said. "There's no looking back to fix what already has been done. Just move forward and try even harder. Alright?"_

**I don't want to be the one the battles always choose, cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused. I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream; but now I have some clarity to show you what I mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit,**

**I'm breaking the habit; Tonight **

Keeping the saying in mind, Darren looked at Mr. Crepsley. "I- I guess that I would stay with you. I mean, you've taught me a lot so far, and even though I'm really stubborn, you've stayed with me even though you could have left."

Mr. Crepsley smiled and stood up. He held out his large hand and showed the boy one of his rare smiles. "Then let us return to the camp so I can teach you more of our ways of the night, my apprentice."

Darren grasped the large hand and smiled back, "Ok," he said.

After that night by the cherry tree, Darren and Larten's relationship grew and Darren never tried to kill himself away.


End file.
